Post by Lily Yarrow on Feb 11, 2019 0:10:49 GMT
Entry 1
I meant to do more of these. I keep telling myself to but I never really felt the urge before. I am a student at Vytal, my name is Lilian Anastasia Yarrow. I write this down because honestly I had almost forgotten my full name when they interviewed me. I don't really remember my mom's first name or my dad's, but I assume their last name was Yarrow for pretty obvious reasons. The only ever called each other dear or honey when they weren't calling each other mom or dad, but one day I'd like to find out about their lives before they had me and my brother.
I'm not really here to talk about mom and dad and my brother though. I won't ever forget them no matter what. This is for the things I wanna remember, so I'm writing about today.
Today was my rest day. I take one a week, sometimes two. I was told a body can't grow if it's always being pushed, so I make myself take these days where I don't train. I don't study either, just in case brains are the same way. Usually I just watch kids fight in the arena, or gather information on other students. Sometimes I just meditate and let the thoughts come as they will.
Today, I went out into the city. It's not the first time I've been out, but I don't go out as often as I should. This time I went out to pick up dust and look at the shops. For a while, I almost forgot that I wasn't the same as everyone walking the streets doing the same. It was nice. I kinda like the feeling of blending into a crowd and feeling like I belong there. I didn't buy anything, but maybe next time I might.
I eventually made it to the dust shop and got some. I've been doing some reading on dust lately, and figured it could be cool to try out. If you're reading this future me, how did that all go? I hope we're really strong now. Keep up the hard work! That uhhh isn't why I'm writing this though. I'm writing this because of what happened after. I didn't feel like going back to Beacon immediately, so I found a pretty secluded part of town and just let my feet take me places. Eventually they took me to her. I was afraid of her at first. She walked straight toward me with purpose, and she was accompanied by the intimidating sound of mechanical augmentation. It became apparent pretty quickly though that she was just lost.
I helped her find her way, and I watched her a while. She walked with an air of confidence about her. Like even though she didn't know what was around the corner, she wasn't intimidated by the unpleasant possibilities. I thought she was just amazing, so when she suggested we forget about going back to school (turns out she's a new student there) and instead go to a bar, bbn part of me agreed just to spend a little more time around her.
That was probably a mistake. If I had said no, maybe we could have gone back to school, talked a bit more, and become friends. Instead, I lost her immediately in the crowd and spent much of my time there searching for her.
When I did finally find her, I messed up. I said something thoughtless, and another person at the bar told me off.
I ran after that. I cried in an alley for hours before I finally picked myself up and got out of there.
It was the first time I cried like that over someone at school. Even the people who have tried to be mean to me for whatever reason haven't made me cry much. I was distraught, utterly crushed even. The reason I think this is important, is because for a while there I had thought I was making a friend, and I didn't realize how important that was to me until I found myself bawling in an alleyway. This entry is a reminder to me. Keep. Looking. It was nice while it lasted, and we've been through worse. I swear I am going to kick your ass if you're reading this a year from now without having made any friends yet. I will try not to let my failure tonight get in the way of me trying again, and I'll also find the words I couldn't find at the bar tonight. Something better than nice.
I meant to do more of these. I keep telling myself to but I never really felt the urge before. I am a student at Vytal, my name is Lilian Anastasia Yarrow. I write this down because honestly I had almost forgotten my full name when they interviewed me. I don't really remember my mom's first name or my dad's, but I assume their last name was Yarrow for pretty obvious reasons. The only ever called each other dear or honey when they weren't calling each other mom or dad, but one day I'd like to find out about their lives before they had me and my brother.
I'm not really here to talk about mom and dad and my brother though. I won't ever forget them no matter what. This is for the things I wanna remember, so I'm writing about today.
Today was my rest day. I take one a week, sometimes two. I was told a body can't grow if it's always being pushed, so I make myself take these days where I don't train. I don't study either, just in case brains are the same way. Usually I just watch kids fight in the arena, or gather information on other students. Sometimes I just meditate and let the thoughts come as they will.
Today, I went out into the city. It's not the first time I've been out, but I don't go out as often as I should. This time I went out to pick up dust and look at the shops. For a while, I almost forgot that I wasn't the same as everyone walking the streets doing the same. It was nice. I kinda like the feeling of blending into a crowd and feeling like I belong there. I didn't buy anything, but maybe next time I might.
I eventually made it to the dust shop and got some. I've been doing some reading on dust lately, and figured it could be cool to try out. If you're reading this future me, how did that all go? I hope we're really strong now. Keep up the hard work! That uhhh isn't why I'm writing this though. I'm writing this because of what happened after. I didn't feel like going back to Beacon immediately, so I found a pretty secluded part of town and just let my feet take me places. Eventually they took me to her. I was afraid of her at first. She walked straight toward me with purpose, and she was accompanied by the intimidating sound of mechanical augmentation. It became apparent pretty quickly though that she was just lost.
I helped her find her way, and I watched her a while. She walked with an air of confidence about her. Like even though she didn't know what was around the corner, she wasn't intimidated by the unpleasant possibilities. I thought she was just amazing, so when she suggested we forget about going back to school (turns out she's a new student there) and instead go to a bar, bbn part of me agreed just to spend a little more time around her.
That was probably a mistake. If I had said no, maybe we could have gone back to school, talked a bit more, and become friends. Instead, I lost her immediately in the crowd and spent much of my time there searching for her.
When I did finally find her, I messed up. I said something thoughtless, and another person at the bar told me off.
I ran after that. I cried in an alley for hours before I finally picked myself up and got out of there.
It was the first time I cried like that over someone at school. Even the people who have tried to be mean to me for whatever reason haven't made me cry much. I was distraught, utterly crushed even. The reason I think this is important, is because for a while there I had thought I was making a friend, and I didn't realize how important that was to me until I found myself bawling in an alleyway. This entry is a reminder to me. Keep. Looking. It was nice while it lasted, and we've been through worse. I swear I am going to kick your ass if you're reading this a year from now without having made any friends yet. I will try not to let my failure tonight get in the way of me trying again, and I'll also find the words I couldn't find at the bar tonight. Something better than nice.
